WORDS

The Lost Season Session Vol. 4: Let It Burn
(2021)

Let It Burn

I pull open the curtains
As the sunlight returns
I quickly go from sun starved
To completely sun burnt

It’s life as I don't know it
The world spins on me again
That first, fleeting touch hits me
I want to soak it all in
Let It Burn, let it burn

I want physical contact
I want to pull you closer
Blissfully unconscious
With false illusions of closure

It’s life as I don’t know it
Through every pore in my skin
The ultraviolet rays shine down
I want to soak them all in
Let it burn, let it burn

It’s life as I don’t know it
How long has it been?
It’s life as I don’t know it
I want to soak it all in
Let it Burn


Mess of Myself

I’m restless at the first flush of morning
It seems that dawn is still dark as hell
I’m up on time, trying to stand without a spine
What a fine mess I’ve made of myself

Is it too late for me to change the subject?
It’s no time for dropping a bombshell
It’s like I’m balancing on the end of a pin
What a fine mess I’ve made of myself

Everything has changed and nothing’s changed at all
I’m just a little more forgetful so I forget to call
I’m not asking but I sure could use some help
What a fine mess I’ve made of myself

I know it’s beyond too little, it’s beyond too late
I’ve got too many excuses and far too many plates
I got sucked in and spun out on this carousel
What a fine mess I’ve made of myself

I don’t mind you going but I hate you leaving
I’m just not that good at farewells
I used to love being alone now I hate being at home
What a fine mess I’ve made of myself


Hardened Tears

Tears, these hardened tears
To be ignored and forgotten, to be swallowed and lost in
These tears, these hardened tears

How many more? How many names?
How many bullets till someone stands up in the way for all
These tears, these hardened tears

Shocked, I’m shell-shocked
You can’t stomach the things you’ve seen in this daily routine of
Shock, this shell shock

No one is safe here, no one is immune
Time’s not a healer if time’s a bleeding wound
In shock, I’m shell shock

Bang bang, the dream is dead, the hardened tears, the bullets shed,
It all seems to fall on deaf ears
Bang bang, time again, it’s not if, just a matter when
Tears turn to bullets and bullets turn to tears
Tears turn to bullets and bullets turn to tears
You can’t make sense of the senseless or find faith to persevere
These tears, these hardened tears

Tick Tock, the clock is ticking, tick tock
It’s insane to do nothing and expect some sort change
The clock is ticking, tick tock

Is anybody listening? Is there anybody there?
Behind all the scripted words in the thoughtless thoughts and prayers
The clock is ticking, tick tock

Bang bang, the dream is dead, the hardened tears, the bullets shed,
It all seems to fall on deaf ears
Bang bang, time again, it’s not if, just a matter when
Tears turn to bullets and bullets turn to tears
Tears turn to bullets and bullets turn to tears
You can’t make sense of the senseless or find faith to persevere
These tears, these hardened tears

 


The Poison Tree

There’s evil in the roots
Evil in the hanging fruit

And all of the bad apples
Come falling down like shrapnel
You can’t escape gravity

It’s rotten to the core
And armed with a thousand thorns

The bough starts bend
And pushes down on your head
You’re buried under all the weeds

With the poison seeds from a poison tree
Poisoning you and me
Poison fruit from a poison root
Poisoning you and me
The poison tree

When it rots, it spreads
Cut off the dead ends

As the branches lunge towards us
Take a chainsaw to this forest
Start gnawing at the trunk with those teeth

Cause there’s poison seeds from a poison tree
Poisoning you and me
Poison fruit from a poison root
Poisoning you and me
The poison tree
These trees needs overturned
This orchard needs to burn
Tear it down leaf by leaf


A Cat Named Fiona

You came into this world kicking
And you’re savage right to this day
You’re bleak and you’re chic, tongue firmly in cheek,
About as subtle as a hurricane
You’re wrapped inside animal prints
There’s leopard skin on your shoes, rug and sofa
And you seem to thrive in all your nine lives
While raising Cain and a cat named Fiona

You’re not too fond, fond of the questions
You’ve tried on all, all of the answers
The truth never fits so you never wear it
But to you it never seems to matter
Cause you look good in all the lies
You still look good in all your personas
And you seem to thrive in all your nine lives
While raising Cain and a cat named Fiona

You never mention your little boy
But a mother’s not your kind of label
Maybe you could someday if the cat was away
But you’re not willing and he’s not Abel
And no one knows who you are now
Or that you moving back home to Minnesota
You struggle to get by and used up all your nine lives
While raising Cain and a cat named Fiona


Annie Oakley

Here comes Annie Oakley thinking she’s got something to prove
She’s blind, trigger happy and not so bulletproof
She’s walking on the edge, just look at her coming unglued
Facts are stubborn little things when you’re running from the truth
She’s got the red, white, and blues
You can see her colors in every bruise
Ole Miss Annie Oakley fired first and all hell broke loose

She headed out west with the bigots of the bigs
Going town to town colluding for the mad king
Rounding up stragglers who got lost in the stampede
To feed them all some new crazy conspiracy
Embroidered boots and buck shot Stetson
She’s all dressed up for an insurrection
Ole Miss Annie Oakley fired first and all hell broke loose

She’s no patriot; she’s just a Kool-aid queen
Who was shooting blind with a fascist flag in the street
The once fearless rough rider is now flashing regretful eyes
Now that she’s looking at ten years of fed time for peddling lies
She’s got the red, white, and blues
You can see her colors in every bruise
Ole Miss Annie Oakley fired first and all hell broke loose


Bindweeds

There's only a few flowers in this garden of weeds
There’s only a few flowers in this garden of weeds

These choking vines will rob you blind and steal all of your light
They wrap themselves around your roots and then drain you of life

There's only a few flowers in this garden of weeds
There’s only a few flowers in this garden of weeds
And every day it’s a struggle to be seen

The promise of a promised land lies in this blossomless bed
The broken dreams, the guillotines and all the severed heads

There's only a few flowers in this garden of weeds
There’s only a few flowers in this garden of weeds
And every day it’s a struggle to be seen
You twist and twine in the vines of the bindweeds


Little Black Bear

Little black bear, little black bear
Come down off that tree
Your mountain is now my property
You don't belong here, you’re trespassing
Little black bear, little black bear come down off that tree

Little black bear, little black bear
Stay off of my lawn
You’re not welcome here, you need to be gone
I really don't care that you've done nothing wrong
Little black bear, little black bear, stay off my lawn

Little black bear, little black bear
I feel harassed
You look at me strange, you make eye contact
Don’t care how pleasant you seem or how quickly you dash
Little black bear, little black bear, I feel harassed

Little black bear, little black bear
Get out of my street
This isn’t your home, I’m calling the police
I’m afraid of anything that doesn’t look like me
Little black bear, little black bear, get out of my street

Little black bear, little black bear
You’re coming down
You’re just a nuisance looking for a handout
I’m moving you out to the poor end of town
So little black bear, little black bear, you’re coming down


Nurse Without a Name

Her soothing presence made a grand entrance when she pulled back the curtain
A benevolent form that felt so warm and made me less uncertain
She dressed me down in a hospital gown and I happily nodded
When she explained that soon my veins would be flooded with Dilaudid

Come rip off the bandage, rip off the bandage, rip off the bandage and open the drains
As I lay and wait for the nurse without a name

She stopped back again on hour ten of a fourteen hour trick
And I barely flinched when I felt the pinch of her sweet warm gentle kiss

Come rip off the bandage, rip off the bandage, rip off the bandage and open the drains
As I lie and wait for the nurse without a name

When I’m feeling thirsty my angel of mercy makes a heavenly cocktail
That deadens the pain with a nice plain rain, she’s my Florence Nighintgale

Rip off the bandage, rip off the bandage, rip off the bandage and open the drains
As I lay and wait for the nurse without a name


The Last Longest Mile

I see tears the size of hubcaps rolling on down this endless road
From nowhere to nothing, all looking for somewhere to go

All rushing to get
To whatever’s next
But time just moves in one direction on this never-ending, last, longest mile

I’m talking so fast that I’m lagging behind my own breath
I’ve been silent too long, it feels so good to vent

And in vain I try
To make up for lost time
But time just moves in one direction on this never-ending, last longest mile


©2021

THE LOST SEASON SESSIONS Vol. 3: Waiting for the Cavalry
(2021)

Keep Us Afloat

Plastic figurines
All trying to stay afloat
Sinking debris
All trying to stay afloat

We desperately need help to stay above water
Could somebody throw a line this way and try to keep us afloat

The flailing of arms
Just trying to stay afloat
The waves crashing hard
Just trying to stay afloat

We desperately need help to stay above water
Could somebody throw a line this way and try to keep us afloat

911, S.O.S
We’re trying to stay afloat
Mayday, in distress
We’re trying to stay afloat


The Night Sky

This is going to leave one hell of a mark
A permanent bruise, a visible scar
The night sky will never be the same

Heartbreak you can’t swallow or reconcile
The stillness is raw and still volatile
The night sky will never be the same

Goodbyes you weren’t ready for and won’t get to say
Reality hits hard in the cold light of day
And the brightest stars just fade away
In the night sky

This is going to be one hell of a hangover
And I have no appetite to deal with this sober
The night sky will never be the same

Dead air hits the ground, it’s falling like rain
And keeps the sorrow that floats from floating away
The night sky will never be the same

When the phone starts ringing in the middle of the night
No one is ever calling to say they’re alright
The night sky will never be the same


Wouldn’t it be Great

I just don’t think that I’m that strong
But wouldn’t it be great if I were wrong?
I’m just a flower hanging on the wall
Looking for a glass of alcohol
So put a bookmark in, take two aspirin
And pick me up again tomorrow

I just don’t think that I belong
But wouldn’t it be great if I were wrong?
When you’re long on nouns and short on verbs
You lose your feet with every word
I can’t shake the doubt
Or find a word to shout
I can see that I am breathing in
But my thoughts are paralyzed

Please don’t throw doubt on me

If you’re giving me room to breathe
Then give me room here to breathe

I just don’t think that I’m that bold
But wouldn’t it be great if I were cold
You build me statues out of snow
When I reach my lowest low
Then you let the sunshine in
To see if I can swim
You know I’m afraid of the water
And I you think I won’t let go

Please don’t throw doubt on me


Room to Breathe

If I pull down the drapes and lay blame at my door
I’ll sit here in silence, face flushed to the floor
I know it won’t end well, I’ve seen all my endings before

I admit I’m afraid but afraid to admit
That I’m climbing the walls while I quietly sit
And inhale a silence that has no good air left in it, it’s stagnant

So I dream of a world that doesn’t exist, yet one I can plainly see
I crawl inside and take a deep breath; finally some room to breathe
I might not ever leave

I sit like an ember in a fire that’s died
A smoldering ash, the faintest of light
But it’s that last glimmer that keeps me alive tonight

Time to get moving while I still have some time
It’s the eve of destruction, or at least of mine
I may be burned-out but there’s still something burning inside, there’s a little light that says

Dream of a world that doesn’t exist, yet one you can plainly see
Crawl inside and take a deep breath, finally some room to breathe
I might not ever leave

I found a room to breathe


This War

No veil can hide
My dilated eyes
And all the tears I’ve cried
I can’t mask my rage
Can’t turn the other page

This war is has taken its toll on me
I’m just waiting here for the Calvary

A staring contest
With a full length mirror
I’m looking inferior
Nobody ever wins
You just start over again

This war is has taken its toll on me
I’m just waiting here for the Calvary

Look through my eyes
You can’t unsee what I’ve seen
It’s taken a toll on me
Bring on the Calvary


No Spring Skips Its Turn

Winter’s grip feels unrelenting at some point this has to end
All that’s cold and condescending will someday turn warm again

The wind still cuts when it hits you
The air still makes your lungs burn
We all wanted a quick ending
But we’ve had to learn no spring skips its term
We all want some resolution
But we’ve had to learn no spring skips its turn

I feel the rust, the cabin fever, the endless sitting on needles and pins
The burnt nerves from running heaters, I can’t stop itching this sandpaper skin
Got window seats for this bleak season, longing to see a solitary bird
Yes change will come but there’s a sequence and no spring ever skips its turn

The tyrant spell that once possessed me is slowly starting to melt away
The bitter chill, once so repressing, may finally relinquish the reigns

The wind still cuts when it hits you
The air still makes your lungs burn
We all wanted a quick ending
But we’ve had to learn no spring skips its term
We all want some resolution
But we’ve had to learn no spring skips its turn
We've seen the darkest of this season
And we had to learn no spring skips its turn


©2021

THE LOST SEASON SESSIONS Vol. 2: Madness and Monotony
(2020)

This Precious Mess

The walls are caving in, get me out of this
Want out of my own skin, come get me out of this

It shakes me in the dark into wakefulness
I just don’t have the heart for this precious mess
I’m feeling so confined, come get me out of this
I’ve got precious little time for this precious mess

I poured some perfume in your name tonight
Woke up and made breakfast at 3AM tonight

It shakes me in the dark into wakefulness
I just don’t have the heart for this precious mess
I’m feeling so confined, come get me out of this
I’ve got precious little time for this precious mess

I’ve got precious fleeting thoughts I can’t get off my chest
And precious memories I can’t seem to coalesce

It shakes me in the dark into wakefulness
I just don’t have the heart for this precious mess
I’m feeling so confined, come get me out of this
I’ve got precious little time for this precious mess

I just can’t make it work on unemployment checks
And my last precious nerve has already been spent
I barely have the time, I barely made the rent
I’m losing my mind total helplessness

I just don’t have the heart
I just don’t have the heart


No Thunder Close to Me

I thought you were a poet
And found out you were a thief
With rather delicate hands
For a revolutionary

Generals on horseback
Tumble to the ground
I’m holding a sledgehammer
And you’re nowhere to be found

I hear your silence and it’s deafening
There’s lightning in the valley
But not a whisper of thunder close to me

I thought you were a singer
Whose words would dance from a page
But all of your bravado
Is just a name on a stage

I hear your silence and it’s deafening
There’s lightning in the valley
But not a whisper of thunder close to me

You owe me nothing and that’s what I got
You owe me nothing and that’s what I got
Nothing…


Downside of the Boom

We’re all facing the same disease
That led to this idiocracy
It’s not the virus that’s on TV
It’s the myth of the American dream
Everyone move over, everyone make room
We’re on the downside of the boom

From blind, benign patriotic crackpots
To malignant nationalistic rot
It’s a land of manifest destiny
That salutes a whitewashed history
We’re running on empty, on our last fumes
We’re on the downside of the boom

The shining city on the hill
Is swallowing a bitter pill
Yet there are zealots that refuse to see
The broken promise of the American dream
But now the chickens have come home to roost
We’re on the downside of the boom

I fear the worst is yet to come
Change is hard and not for everyone
So buckle down and hold on tight
I hope we make it through the night
You can feel the sense of impending doom
We’re on the downside, heading on the downslide
Everyone move over, everyone make room
We’re on the downside of the boom


Statues

Hatred hangs high on a pedestal
A long, dark shadow that’s unforgettable

Mallets and chisels replaced the swords
Intimidation, weapons of war

We’re haunted by statues of ghosts
Pillars of lies etched into stones
These are myths of the lost cause, immortalized and cast in bronze
We’re haunted by statues of ghosts

Reconstruction, a past disowned
Pious redemption recast in stone

Looming figures stare out at dawn
Effigies of lies agreed upon

We’re haunted by statues of ghosts
Pillars of lies etched into stones
These are myths of the lost cause, immortalized and cast in bronze
We’re haunted by statues of ghosts
But reckoning has come at last
And I’m standing with iconoclasts
Tearing down statues of ghosts


Angels in the Street

The bell has now tolled
For the summer soldiers
Who have left the front lines ignored and completely exhausted
But back to the cold
Go the blistering soles
On the feet of unshakable souls that have never stopped marching

All the sins we’ve ignored
Will rot us to the core
So thank god for angels in the street

The ones that still enlist
Are those that have witnessed
The all too common carnage that constantly blinds us
Exposed at the roots
Pointing cameras at truths
To see the deeply embedded darkness that seems to define us

All the sins we’ve ignored
Will rot us to the core
So thank god for angels in the street

It’s not for the faint of heart
To carry all of these scars
Been far too feathered and tarred to turn the other cheek
For all the lost and the loved
Will look down from above
And thank god for angels in the street

All the sins we’ve ignored
Will rot us to the core
So thank god for angels in the street


Amphibian

I’m learning to live on land
Out of the water and on to the sand
Traded my fins for a pair of hands
I’ll get to you just as soon as I can

Crawled from the sea just to breathe in this strange world
Crawled from the sea just to breathe in this strange world
Can’t you see you made me an amphibian

I like the taste of your oxygen
And the way it travels through my skin
It sends chills up and down my limbs
I am an amphibian

Crawled from the sea just to breathe in this strange world
Crawled from the sea just to breathe in this strange world
Can’t you see you made me an amphibian

I grew a backbone and a new set of lungs
I’ll pull you in with a flick of the tongue
My evolution has just begun
I am an amphibian

I’m the creature from the black lagoon
I just want to get closer to you
Can’t you see you made me an amphibian


The Invisible Man

Maybe you’re blind or just walk in your sleep
Or never look down when you walk over me
You may be afraid of the truth you might to see
Or just be oblivious to the soles of your feet

But I am the Invisible Man
And you couldn’t care less who I am
I’m the invisible man
At least I know where I stand

Maybe I’m seen as a burden to you
I’m better ignored than exposed in full view
I’m better forgotten and kept out of sight
In the darkness of shadows and the blinding white lights

I am the Invisible Man
And you don’t give a damn who I am
I am the invisible man
I guess I know just where I stand

It’s mercy to lift me up to my feet
But you’re far too content to let me lie in the street
Far too content to walk consciously blind
Yes I’m fully aware I don’t exist in your eyes

Cause I am the invisible man
And you don’t give a damn that I am
The invisible man
At least I know where I stand


Begin to Break

We lost track of time
Laid motionless as it flew by

Minutes turned to months
Time moved slow then all at once

We all could desperately use
A little bit of good news
Before we all begin to break

Our muscles don’t respond
And all our sense of touch is gone

The wounds have yet to scar
So we keep the screams inside our hearts

We all could desperately use
A little bit of good news
Before we all begin to break


American Man-Child

I won’t be muzzled into silence
Cause I got a mind of my own
Listen my friend, your freedom ends at the tip of my nose

I’m the lone cowboy
A one-man firing squad
I’m a man-child, an American man-child

I don’t believe in your so-called “science”
I’m free from that tyranny
I won’t be taught and brainwashed
By finger pointing elites

I’m not a pack animal
No one tells me what to do
I’m a man-child, an American man-child

I’m suiting up for the battle
Cause no one treads on me
There’s no debate, no give and take
Just hand grenade diplomacy

I’m the lone cowboy
A one-man firing squad
I’m a man-child, an American man-child


(No Parking) This Side of Temporary

Raise the rent, price us out
Pack up the merchandise
Tear it all down at a feverish pace
Till there are streets I don’t recognize

Mom and pop, closed the shop, forced to say their goodbyes

Where we all going to go when we all get displaced?
The sign says…
There’s no parking on this side of temporary
No long-term parking, it’s all temporary

An overgrown construction zone
When did this place get so tall?
High rise floors with vacant stores
You lost all your small-town charm

They’re knocking down all of downtown, here comes the wrecking ball

And all the familiar faces are all getting squeezed out
The sign says…
There’s no parking on this side of temporary
No long-term parking, it’s all temporary

Where we all going to go when we all get displaced?


The Dream within the Dream

Consciousness is worth its weight in gold
It’s easy to find but impossible to hold
Eyes get heavy, you stray and start to lose control
It’s the dream within the dream

The yellow lines have lost all their appeal
Drifting eyes drift off of the windshield
Sooner than later you fall asleep at the wheel
In the dream within the dream

There’s no parade, no cacophony
No passing cars that jar you out of sleep
You keep floating further from reality
In the dream within the dream

Everything feels so heavy now
Everything feels so heavy now

You catch yourself, something interrupts
You’re energized the moment you unplug
You’re not giving in you’re just waking up
From the dream within the dream

Everything feels so heavy now
Everything feels so heavy now
In the dream within the dream


©2020

THE LOST SEASON SESSIONS Vol. 1: The Big Pause
 (2020)

Spring Fever

I see the birds and I imagine that they’re singing again
I watch them fly but I can’t hear them with all the noise inside my head
The empty streets feel so heavy now that they’re drained of life
I need to see another headlight just to make sure I’m alive

Everybody’s feeling this spring fever
This one is going to linger for awhile
Everybody’s feeling this spring fever
This one is going to last all summer long

It’s the season of resilience, the season of uncertainty
I try to ground myself in it but there’s nothing grounding me
Through all of the dreams interrupted, set aside and left to rust
The friends and families fragmented
Damn near everyone I love is turning to dust

Everybody’s feeling this spring fever
This one is going to linger for awhile
Everybody’s feeling this spring fever
This one is going to last all summer long
This one’s going to last the whole year long


To Be Quarnatined 

The day came in, the day went out
Sealed inside this timeless space
Roaming the halls, staring at walls I can’t escape

The light comes in, the light goes out
I pace like an animal in a cage
Buried alive, dig me out in 14 days

Is this what it means to be quarantined, just hopelessly killing time
I wish you and I could be outside watching the sky but I can’t make it out tonight

Time moves slow then time just stops
This isolation's killing 
The next time that I’m stuck inside, I want you here with me


Nonessential

There were rumors running round about the storm clouds in the valley of the sun
Whispered conversations that the downsizing had already begun
They kept me a part timer, working 39 ½ hours
Thrown around like some low level hired gun

Well this long weekend just got longer as they let go of 20 more including me
Got some bullshit condolence letter saying they hope it will only be temporary
There are no graceful exits as I try to stay clearheaded
Thus furlough kicks me right back to the streets

They deemed me non-essential
I’m inconsequential,
We’re all disposable
And everyone like me has got to go

I’m now a hardened soldier, a weather-beat machine of a man
But a 50 year old warhorse doesn’t seem to be that much in demand
Now all us trampled flowers have been filing claims for hours
Right now we’ll take any help that we can get

They deemed me non-essential,
I'm inconsequential
We're all disposable
And everyone like me has got to go


Bottlenecked

Restless, I see that you’re uneasy
And growing more distressed
Helpless, I’m here yet I’m so distant
There’s too much to process

I’m bottlenecked
Can’t get the words to leave my mouth
Bottlenecked
Just standing here in silence
Bottlenecked

How does anyone get anywhere?
There were no road maps for this
How does anyone get anywhere?
Through this atrophy and weariness
Through this bottleneck

Shut down, I don’t want to be a burden
So I stay motionless
I’d turn ‘round, if it was just that easy
To save us from this mess

Bottlenecked
I close up and nothing’s coming out
Bottlenecked
You’re standing there defenseless
And I’m bottlenecked


Laughter

Stagnant air
House in disrepair
Make time to breathe
It’s not as bad as it might really seem

Life gets tired of living around here
You need a little laughter to clear the air
The past doesn’t pass so quickly around here
You need a little laughter to purify the air

Overwhelmed
Can’t unpack myself
Falling backwards
Longing after a little unselfish laughter

Life gets tired of living around here
You need a little laughter to clear the air
The past doesn’t pass so quickly around here
You need a little laughter to purify the air

A soaked up sponge
Drowning everyone
Waterlogged roots
Someday someone might harvest the fruit


Some Things Aren't Meant to Fly

The sky swallowed you whole
And spit you out at ten thousand feet
You really thought you could fly
But I'm thankful for gravity

You can’t stay that high forever
Some things aren’t meant to fly

You woke up invincible
And you took a marvelous leap
You really thought I could fly
But you came crashing down on me

You can't stay that high forever
Some things aren’t meant to fly

I’m staying low to the ground now
Where I found a little empathy
It might be laughably small
But it’s moral victory

You can’t stay that high forever
Some things aren’t meant to fly
No one can stay that high forever
No I’m not meant to fly


Up All Night Morning

Here comes a prodigal son who can’t find his place
Daylight leaks out of his ashen face
As the fog starts to lift and the air starts warming
He sees the first light of an up all night morning

Here comes a drunken angel that couldn’t resist
A drunken fate sealed with a drunken kiss
His freshly broken heart was trying to break even
He stumbles through the light of an up all night evening

Daylight is now starting to creep
Even these demons have to eventually sleep
Will morning save the wretch like me?
Even my demons have to eventually sleep

Creatures from other worlds really exist
In the pariahs and messiahs and the graveyard shifts
As the fog starts to lift and the air starts warming
They see the first light of an up all night morning

There’s a high speeder who got caught in a low drag
Now he’s a homeless man that sleeps under an American flag
Some ghosts you don’t see, some ghosts you’re ignoring
Some ghosts stay forgotten in the first light of morning

I started to drift but woke myself snoring
Just to see the first light of an up all night morning


River of Doubt

There's no rain that's going to wash me clean
Or make me feel like a human being
It’s been three weeks since I’ve dried up
And walked right into this river of doubt

What am I to do with all of these
Sleep deprived reveries?
Life’s too short to be at war with yourself
And then you walk right into this river of doubt

I walked right into a river of doubt

Maybe I’ll learn to live with my sins
And the world will invite me back in
Just when you think it's safe to come out
You walk right into a river of doubt

I walked right into a river of doubt


Such a Stupid Man

These are my last words
You’ve heard them all before
But I can’t understand how you could fall for such a stupid man

Who have you become?
To stoop to someone so dumb
It’s a sick little joke, I would laugh but I can’t and won’t

Can’t you see he’s lying while he’s lying next to you?
Can’t you see he’s lying when he’s lying next to you?
Such a stupid little man to give yourself up to
Can’t you see he’s lying when he’s lying next to you?

Have you lost your mind?
Are you now willfully blind?
I guess you’re completely fine with all of his misogynistic lines
Oh well, nevermind...

I admit defeat
I can’t wake someone not asleep
We’ve grown far apart, time for someone else to break my heart


Till the World Starts Spinning Again

Clothes
Gonna burn all of your clothes
I don’t want to be exposed
No I don’t want to be exposed

Shrinking violet, sinking low
Keep your distance, don’t get too close
I don’t want you anywhere near
I’m locked and loaded, I’m not leaving here

Don’t come get me till I say when
You won't see me till the world starts spinning again

Kiss
Don’t need your infected kiss
I don’t want to be at risk
No I don’t want to be at risk

I’ve got two hands, I don’t need no helper
Crowding my brain, looking for shelter
I locked myself in and I locked you out
Don’t need your noise in this quiet little house

Don’t come get me till I say when
I’ll be out till the world starts spinning again

Home
This is not your home
I’ll fight this one alone
I’ll fight this one alone

Gloves on my hands, a mask on my face
I need fifty feet of personal space
Pull back the curtains, stare into the void
And you have the nerve to call me paranoid


© 2020

BAGGAGE AND BLOODLINES (w/ Molly Countermine)
(2018)

Really Miss Your Rain

Drought, it’s been a long, long drought
I’m burned out, I really miss your rain

Drink, god I could use a drink
It’s far too hot to think, I really miss your rain

Cry on me, come wash me out
Your falling tears on my cottonmouth
Rain, I really miss your rain

Heat, an unrelenting heat
A hundred-plus degrees, I really miss your rain

Cursed, feels like I’m cursed
I’m dying of thirst, I really miss your rain

Those weeping eyes are sorely missed
I’m dying for a little kiss of your rain
I really miss your rain

Hell, it’s been three weeks of hell
It’s been a long, dry spell, I really miss your rain


Long Live Low Tide

A world spilled in, then spilled back out
It left a bitter taste in my mouth
I’ll spend the next year digging myself out
I can rebuild if I’m given time
We all need a little more time
So long live the low tide

Maybe I’m hanging too much on pride
Maybe I’m just blind to my own demise
I can’t see the sea change if I close my eyes
I can make peace if I’m given time
We all need a little more time
So long live the low tide

I can’t seem to work myself free
I can’t afford to stay, I can’t afford to leave
A new moon’s crashing down on me
I can ride it out if I’m given time
We all need a little more time
So long live the low tide


So Much Later than Before

Wipe the dirt off your skirt
Then hide that dirt under the rug
Drag your feet while you sweep
Into that hole that you’ve dug
The night before the morning after
You were all smiles and nervous laughter

You’re all alone in this great unknown
You’re so much later than before

Wipe that chagrin off your chin
Keep that fakeness on your face
No one can tell how far you fell
Or that you feel so out of place
Brush him away, brush it all aside
No one can tell that you even cried

You’re all alone in this great unknown
You’re so much later than before

Fall on your sword, swallow your words
And keep him a casual affair
He’ll never know that you’re all alone
You’re the only one that knows you scared
Sign of the cross, across your chest
You pray to god while you’re waiting on this test

You’re all alone in this great unknown
So much later than before


Spitting Image

I’m a spitting image 
Of you 30 years ago
Singing in the same haunts
With ghosts I won’t outgrow

Strangers always saying to me
They see you in me
I want to scream out loud to myself
But I just smile politely and say

     I’m nothing like you
     Furthest thing from the sun
     No I don’t want be where I came from

It’s not that I dislike you
I’d have to know you for that
Too many years of bad taste in my mouth
And too few years left to unpack

You have no idea who I am
I’m just a card on a birthday
We’re two complete strangers in this world
That once shared the same name

     But I’m nothing like you
     Furthest thing from the sun
     No I don’t want to be where I came from

     Cause I don’t want be where I came from    
     No I don’t want to be where I came from


Now Who’s Afraid

Here he comes
The coddled son
The wanna-be pimp
With the Frankenstein limp
Throwing shade on everyone
Here he comes, here he comes

There he is
The spoiled kid
The loose cannon
Throwing temper tantrums
I won’t cower to the boy king
There he is, there he is

You think you can talk to me like that and I won’t turn around and start biting back
I cut like a razor blade
All your money, all your power won’t silence me, I’ll just get louder and rage
Now who’s afraid?

Run and hide
He runs and hides
It seems only fair 
That I shoot him glares
He can’t look a woman in the eye
He runs and hides, he runs and hides

There he goes
He’s been exposed
Tail between his legs
Down to the last dregs
The emperor has no clothes
There he goes, there he goes


Murmuration (Stay Close Tonight)

The starlings are congregating
Ready to rage against the last sunlight
There’s a storm 
On the horizon
They know to stay close tonight

They twist and turn into the headwinds
As the stragglers all fall in line
There’s a danger 
In isolation
They know to stay close tonight

It’s a new generation
Rising from ashes up to the skies
From a murmur to murmuration
An insurgency is taking flight

Silhouettes against the madness
Pirouettes across a dying light
They’re defiant 
In their sheer numbers
They know to stay close tonight


Fly, Fly, Fly

Caged, you’re kept in a cage, far from the stage, far from the lights
Limp, your body goes limp, your wings have been clipped, yet you dream to

Fly, fly, fly
No man can keep you tied to the ground
You fly, fly, fly
Listen to the caged bird sing when she flies

Silent, you’re taught to be silent, to remain quiet, to stay in your place
But chains can’t keep you restrained, you’llchew through the cage till you’re free to

Fly, fly, fly
No man can keep you tied to the ground
You fly, fly, fly
Listen to the caged bird sing when she flies


Hungry Ghost

Forever child, forever numb
Forever lost while I was chasing the sun
I want to live
Without regret
Forever hoping that I’ll somehow be content

I’m a hungry ghost

Forever black, forever pale, 
Forever hiding behind an invisible veil
I want to be loud 
I want to be seen
Forever wanting to be anyone but me

I’m a hungry ghost

Forever flawed, forever doubt
Forever telling myself “I need to get out”
I want to feel loved
I want to feel safe
Forever free from all the toxins I still crave

I’m a hungry ghost


Far Too Young

Far too young
To be scarred for no reason
To see trust turn to treason
To be sentenced to a life with those demons
Far too young

Far too young
To be shamed into silence
By a man filled with violence
Broken down to the point of compliance
Far too young 

Carrion flowers cover a grave
Where your innocence died and you buried his name

Far too young
To lock secrets inside you
Where the darkness can’t hide you
From the monster that tries to define you
Far too young


Whatever God Eases the Pain

I’m damaged but the bruises don’t show
I’m unlike the person you think you know
I’m shut in, I locked down years ago
And that’s where I plan to stay

I’m broken and I never healed
I wrestle with a survivor’s guilt
I stumble through this life that you’ve built
I’m terrified to walk unafraid 
You can’t imagine what goes through my brain

So I plead and I pray to whatever god comes and eases this pain

I’m needy but I don’t need your help
I’m fluent but can’t describe what I’ve felt
Suspicion is unparalleled
My distrust is completely engrained
All I want to do is escape

So I plead and I pray to whatever god comes and eases this pain

I play dead among the vultures and sharks
I play dead among the patriarchs
I play dead, I’ve learned to play that part
I lay there quietly and pray
To whatever god eases the pain


Punch Holes in the Darkness

It’s been the longest, darkest hour in the longest, darkest night, 
Seems like forever. No end in sight
Punch holes in the darkness till you start to see the light

I hear the sounds of resistance, all the sounds of discontent
Rising tensions, just need to vent
Punch holes in the darkness so we can see through our ignorance 

The cuts still run deep, the wounds still open wide
Colors can’t heal if they’re only black and white
Wake yourself up and open up your eyes
Start shouting and kicking and screaming until you start to see the light 

Too many deaf ears are too easily dismissed
Open your arms and clench your fists
Punch holes in the darkness till the darkness can’t exist

It’s been the longest, darkest hour in the longest, darkest night, 
Seems like forever. No end in sight
Punch holes in the darkness till you start to see the light


©2018

LAST FLOWER STANDING
(2016)

How Many More

Tell me how many more drinks till you’re out of my head?
Till I don’t have to turn and wake to your ghost in this bed
Till I’m not paralyzed by everything that you said
Tell me how many more drinks till you’re out of my head?

How many more cigarettes, am I going have to smoke?
The ashtray is already full of your lipstick, punched-out jokes 
I’m trying my best to exhale you, but I only seem to choke
So how many more cigarettes am I going have to smoke?

Tell me how long I must wait till I can look in your eyes
You’ve built walls upon walls, yeah you’re trying your best to hide
No, you don’t want me to see youin the bright afternoon light
So tell me how long I must wait till I can look in your eyes
How many more?

Tell me how many wrong things are we both going to say?
The words that come out are toxic, they only seem to betray
All those hung-over regretsthat neither of us can convey 
So tell me how many wrong things are we both going to say?
How many more?


A Flower in Madrid                             

She’s lights up the Rivera like a darling of the silver screen
She’s august in London, you would think she was the queen

She’s a sculpture in Florence that tourists all rush to see
She’s a siren in Athens that lures sailors in from the deep

She’s got arms strung like branches and legs as long as the trees
She’d have the whole world held captive if she weren’t here holding me

She’s the dove in Barcelona staring across the skyline
She’s the ghost in Saint Peters that’s only seen in the sunlight

She’s a flower in Madrid waiting for a summer rain to fall
She’s a portrait in Paris hanging on museum walls

She’s got arms strung like branches and legs as long as the trees
She’d have the whole world held captive if she weren’t here holding me


The Presence of your Absence    

I can’t walk a block without you running into me
You are everywhere I look; you’re the only thing I see
You blind me in an instant and I start to lose my balance 
And I’m stuck loitering in the presence of your absence

I must have seen your eyes over a thousand times today
I wish I had the willpower to look the other way
I wish I had the strength to break free from these talons
But I’m just lingering in the presence of your absence

When will I hit bottom, when will I self-destruct
When will you intervene and slowly pick me up
I wish I had your hand to spare me from the damage
But I’m falling even deeper in the presence of your absence

I clearly remember every smile line on your face
And the feeling of your arms tied tightly around my waist
Sometimes it even feels like nothing ever happened
It’s like you are right here in the presence of your absence

But when the world goes dark you’re a million miles away
My friend gets deathly quiet, she’s got nothing to say
I wish I had the words that went into the caption
But everything is empty in the presence of your absence

Time is slowing down, when it used to go so fast
The nights go on forever, no they never seem to pass
If I make it till the morning then I’m only met with silence
And another lonesome day in the presence of your absence


Rather Live with this Heartache

I still pine for you, I’m still in withdrawal
Sometimes I shake like I need a fix until I’m climbing walls

I still burn for you, I’m still lovesick
I walk through ashes and soot where the air’s still chokingly thick

But I’d rather live with this heartache than have to live with you…

I got restless legs, I can’t get out of my skin
I sweat it all out only to soak you right back in

But I’d rather live with this heartache than have to live with you…

You wear a jealous smile that’s rarely sober or straight
It’s got a knack of breaking things that were never yours to break

Give me some lucid eyes to see the damage you’ve done
Going wake some morning grateful that I’m not numb

So I’d rather live with this heartache than have to live with you…


spin.spinning.spun

I felt like I was brainwashed
That you’d been gaslighting me 
That cold winter night I watched you ignite 
And burn a hole right through me
 
Yeah, morning is a disinfectant, it’s an unforgiving sun
But try as I might, I can’t find my shadow
Spin.spinning.spun

I feel like I've been banished
Forced to live underground
It’s a very lonely feeling
Trying to blend in with the crowd
 
I paid the price of admission, not asking for a refund
Just take away a little of the pain
Spin.spinning.spun

I took a train to the station
Tried to get there by nightfall
I thought you’d be waiting so reasonably
But you weren't waiting at all
 
I looked around in every direction
Hoping that you would appear
When I realized, to my surprise
I‘d been waiting over a year
 
So I picked up all my baggage, easier said than done
Spit my heart out like a chewed piece of gum
Spin.spinning.spun


I am hardened now, on that long train back home
Spin.spinning.spun


Where Dreams Go to Die

You’re not getting high and you know
It’s just brief relief from the lows
And tomorrow you’ll wake with a low
That’s lower than low

You hate your job, but it pays
For all of last night’s cabernets
You’re living a lie, this is your life
You just want to go where dreams go to die

Two drinks and you’re out of your shell
The fog starts to lift, the fears dispel
You lose track of time and yourself
You hide from yourself

The next day you’re back in your cell
You want escape but you dwell
On every missed step, every black eye
You just want to go where dreams got to die

You struggle to breathe, you’re buried alive
You just want to go where dreams go to die

You want to get lost, you want somewhere to hide
You just want to go where dreams go to die

You walk down those stairs, the door’s to your right
Back to the bar where dreams go to die


Little Rose                       

Look at you, you hid all summer
Barely felt the sun 

A volunteer, estranged from your family 
Ignored by everyone

August is fading, bring down the curtain on this perennial show
The winds are changing, the nights will get longer, 
Stay strong little rose

You’re so-called friends, they’ve all wilted
They really weren’t that strong

Even the trees take some punches
There’re barely hanging on

Look at you, you won’t surrender
A rebel in full bloom

You take a beating, but nothing can beat
The pretty out of you

The world around you is all brown and barren, winter is getting close
Look at you you’re the last flower standing, 
Stay strong little rose


What Your Love Looks Like

That leather jacket’s starting to wear thin
All smoked stained and drained of life 
Just like your once pristine alabaster skin
It’s aged ten years the last three nights

You once adorned yourself in the tightest threads
Now you just wear clothes that hide
Something dark, something without a shape
The same thing you wore the last three nights

     Ghostly white in broad daylight 
     This is what your love looks like
     Sleep deprived, sunken eyes
     This is what your love looks likes

Your gaze is empty and your hair’s pulled back
Your face flushed with formaldehyde 
It looks like you but I can’t make you out
You’ve been embalmed the last three nights

     Ghostly white in broad daylight 
     This is what your love looks like
     Sleep deprived, sunken eyes
     This is what your love looks likes


Weightless 

I dream I'm free falling but I never hit ground.  
There’s nothing below me, I'm just falling down.

   I can’t feel the air, I can’t feel my face
   My eyes are wide open but I’m not awake
   If I’ve been weightless, remind me it’s only a dream

I dream I’m in water and I never drown
I can’t make it to shore, I’m just watered down  

  “No man’s an island” or so they say
   As I lay helpless on this wave
   If I’ve been weightless, remind me it’s only a dream

I dream that I panic while lost in a crowd
I can’t move my body, there’s no way to get out

   I can’t catch my breath, I can’t stop my brain
   My throat starts to tighten as I call out your name
   If I’ve been weightless, remind me it’s only a dream


Black, White, and Dorian Gray

You, you’re still safe
In all these photos that I saved
Time there is frozen, Time there is frozen

You, sitting there
So reckless and young, too cool to care
You stay young forever, we stay young forever

In black, white and dorian gray

You, you won’t fade
You won’t just disappear with age
I’ll keep you protected, I’ll keep us protected

I’m not alone
You’re sitting right here in monotones
You stay young forever, we stay young forever

In black, white and dorian gray


Bigger Bombs
 
You’re going to need a bigger broom to sweep up what I drop
You’re going to a little time you better bring a clock
You’re going to need a bigger hammer to knock out all these walls
You’re going to need a little brass in case we start to brawl
 
     You’re going to need bigger lies or going to need bigger bombs
     You’re going to need alibis or going to need napalm
     You’re going to need bigger bombs
 
You’re going to need a bigger ladder to climb back to the top
You’re going to need a little backup before you stand in front
You’re going to need a bigger curve to make this all seem straight
You’re going to a little nerve so you don’t walk away
 
     You’re going to need bigger lies or going to need bigger bombs
     You’re going to need alibis or going to need napalm
     You’re going to need bigger bombs


Where it Never Rains

The sky’s falling into the sea but not on me
The morning rains all around me but not on me

Cause you keep the sun in a picture frame where it never rains
Yeah you keep the sun in a picture frame where it never rains

The world seems so quiet today for a change
 It might be fluke, it might be rain but it’s a nice change 
 
You keep the sun in your arms, like a good luck charm
You’re in my arms like a good luck charm 

I’m soaked to the bone and you just laugh and it makes me laugh  
It feels like we’re in a photograph and I can’t help but laugh
 
Cause you keep the sun in a picture frame 
Where it never rains
Yeah you keep the sun in a picture frame 
Where it never rains


Bury this Shadow                                         

Words open wounds like steel harpoons
Infection oozes out 
A thousand lies, unsterilized
Get swept under a shroud

Till cancer grows, quickly plateaus
And we’re completely numb
Down on our knees, sworn enemies
In a love that can’t be won

We are both such a mess tonight
Nothing makes sense tonight
Just a drunken mess tonight trying to bury this shadow
Our heads know nothing more
Our eyes see nothing more
And our hearts are nothing more than trying to bury this shadow

Surrogate lives in a stranger’s arms
With no chance of parole
Throwing fists at prison walls
Yeah this love’s taken a toll

Broken hearts, some busted strings
Some jaded rock and roll
And once again, we find ourselves
Pounding square pegs in round holes


©2016

SEA FOAM GREEN
(2014)


Blue as Blue                                                       
Blue as blue
The darkest shade you could imagine over you
The coldest cold front randomly just passes through
No weatherman predicted it would be as blue as blue 

Grey as gray
It’s not supposed to be this dark this time of day
Distant thunder slowly starts to resonate
The forecast never mentioned it would be as gray as gray

          Blue as blue
          You keep telling everyone that the sky is going to fall on you

Black as black
With no forewarning, darkness suddenly attacks
A solitary raindrop makes the first contact
Lightning flashes cross the sky then fades as black as black

          Blue as blue
          You keep telling everyone that the sky is going to fall on you
_______________________________________________________

Let’s be Nineteen                                                   

We should put our shades on
Put some quiet on our eyes
Yeah we look out of place
But we’re creatures from the night

To them, we’re immortal
So might as well act the part 
It makes little difference
If we are if or if weren’t not

     So let’s be famous, Let’s be seen
     Let’s skip the ending , Let’s be nineteen

Let’s venture out now
And get dragged out to the fringe
While everyone else
They’re all grounded in the wind

To them, we’re just vagrants
But that’s just jealousy
They all secretly want to
To be just like you and me

    Don’t want to be John and Jane Doe
    Wearing pedestrian shoes and clothes
    All watered down and colorless
    We want to be young and reckless
    We want to be a glorious mess, oh to be famous

They go see us in movies
We’re the vampires and zombies
Who want to stay young forever 
We all want to be a celebrity
_______________________________________________________

Cameras and Microphones
 
Heroes, people need their cardboard heroes
Build them statues like their Nero
 All defenders of the crown
 
Villains, we all need our cartoon villains
Feed them to all us civilians 
And watch us burn Rome to the ground
 
     It’s twisted, contorted, 
     It all gets distorted by cameras and microphones
 
Witch hunt, everybody loves a witch-hunt
That’s’ nothing more than a PR stunt 
You got us eating from your hands
 
Turncoat, find someone to wear the turncoat
Dress them up, make them a scapegoat
Give us our sacrificial lamb

     It’s twisted, contorted, 
     It all gets distorted by cameras and microphones

You built it up, melted it down
You cherry picked this little town 

Headlines, people love a sexy headline
Feel free to fabricate those sound bites
No, you’re not tethered to the facts
_______________________________________________________

Maybe She's Happy                    

she stopped to say hello
still in last year's clothes
she seemed happy, maybe she's happy

she said she's done with men
but she has one every now and then
she was funny, she always was funny

     she's got a long history
     of being the girl in-between
     maybe she broke the routine
     and maybe she's happy

she found a single room to rent
now that she's single again
she's efficient, she was always efficient

she's getting a part time job
so she can spend more time with her dog
it's nice to feel wanted, it's nice to feel wanted

she slowly started to retreat
when the questions turned to me
she left uneasy, we both left uneasy

I sort of felt compelled to stay
but I kept walking away
I once hurt her, I know I once hurt her         

     she's got a long history
     of being the girl in-between
     maybe she broke the routine
     and maybe she's happy
_______________________________________________________

Flying too Close to the Sun                                   

If wishes were inches 
We’d be giants in no time
Marching up and down these streets, 
Cutting everyone to size

     We’re the poets and the  dreamers, the circus ringleaders, we’re radicals out on the run
     Yes we’re aerodynamic, hopeless romantics flying to close to the sun

If wishes were tremors
They’d be rattling these walls
You would feel it through this floor; 
They would echo down these halls

If wishes were kindle
We would round up all the trash
And burn this whole place down 
From blue flame to black ash
_____________________________________________

Running on a Loop in my Brain

You’re running on a loop in my brain
You’re running on a loop in my brain
I feel like I’m going insane
Cause I don’t even know your name
I ran into a runaway train
And now you’re running on a loop in my brain
_______________________________________________________

Anonymous                                                           

You won’t see me when I’m coming
You won’t hear a sound
My arm is long enough to reach you
From shadows and backgrounds

I’m not in your sight line
I live in your peripheral 
I move with the landscape
It’s like I’m invisible

     I’m just a face in the crowd
     With no traceable footprint
     It’s easy to be unforgettable
     The trick is to stay anonymous 

You can’t define me, I’m beyond definition
You can’t make me out, I’m beyond recognition
I’m never there, but I’m everywhere
I’m anonymous

I am your creation
That’s how we coexist
You in your world of monsters
And me anonymous

     I’m just a face in the crowd
     With no traceable footprint
     It’s easy to be unforgettable
     The trick is to stay anonymous 
_______________________________________________________

Tangible Tonight                                   

Your carpet’s covered in bloodstains
Friendly fire at close range
Wash that cold blood off your feet 
Rinse, lather, rinse and repeat

     What’s the point of this pointless war?
     There’s nothing worthwhile fighting for
     Don’t you want something tangible tonight?

You’re your own worst enemy
A self-inflicted causality
Time to bandage all those wounds
Time to pull out all those troops
Time to make some sort of truce

     You waging war against yourself
     You need to get out of that house
     Don’t you want something tangible tonight?

You’re too far inside your head
You’ve seen far too much bloodshed
Time to declare victory
It’s time to makes some sort of peace
And let me nurse your injuries

     There’s no point  in this pointless war
     There’s nothing worthwhile fighting for
     No one’s even keeping score tonight
     Don’t you want something tangible tonight?
_______________________________________________________

Painting Hearts on my Sleeve

It’s all right there
In full frontal clarity
You’re standing right there in front of me
Painting hearts on my sleeve

When I come unglued
And knocked down to my feet
You’re everywhere I need you to be
Sewing hearts on my sleeve

When I feel exposed
My clothes start wearing on me 
You somehow get me through in one piece
Sewing hearts on my sleeve

Now I know what it’s like
To walk in full sunlight
You’re shining brightly all over me 
Painting hearts on my sleeve
_______________________________________________________

A Wreck Around You 

Happiness always derails me
It catches me off guard and quickly inhales me
How are you supposed to feel when you’re coming unglued?
I’m a far too exposed to be immune
I’m constantly a wreck around you

Happiness always seems to mute me
I’m suddenly a blank as words elude me
And then it comes out all wrong right on cue
 I’m the easiest person to misconstrue
Cause I’m constantly a wreck around you
_______________________________________________________

Nothing’s Worse than I Don’t Know                          

Early morning and red light warnings
She can’t remember or she chose to forget
Any ambition, in my condition kills a perfectly good hangover
A lack of judgment, a lack of prudence
When she’s decisive, she prefers to flaunt it loud
But in an instant, she turns distant
Nothing’s worse than I don’t know

Now it’s mid-day and she seems unphased
If she’s sorry then forgiveness is waning fast 
I’m uneasy, and she’s not speaking, her memory must still be tainted
Yeah I’m neurotic, but she’s psychotic
Not right now; it’s excessive waste of time
She’s unyielding, so unrevealing
Nothing’s worse than I don’t know

       Nothing’s acknowledged, nothing’s addressed
       She just gets distant and nothing’s said
       She’s freezes up, turns into stone
       Nothing’s worse than I don’t know

Early evening, a brand new season
A change of heart or at least a change of mood
She’s electric, apologetic and determined that I stay over
Yet it’s still unclear, why I’m still here
I must have some sort of vendetta against myself
She’s unrelenting till I’m consenting
Nothing’s worse than I don’t know

       Now she’s thawed, almost undressed
       She’s someone else, yes she’s possessed
       And I’m here hanging on her threads
       Nothing’s worse than I don’t know
_______________________________________________________

Just Enough Rope                                     

I’m in the business of selling dreams
Welcome to the major leagues
Where every salesman is a small time thief
I’ll give you just enough rope

People see what they want to see
When you’re young, you’re so naive
You quickly lost track of reality
I’ll give you just enough rope
  
     I pull the string and you’re entwined
     I have free reign to rob you blind
     You were just a prisoner of hope
     And I gave you just enough rope

You hardly needed to be coerced
You were quick to dive headfirst    
Can’t find the bottom you’re completely immersed
I gave you just enough rope

     Don’t blame yourself, the game is rigged
     I handicapped the whole damn thing 
     You were just a prisoner of hope
     And I gave you just enough rope

This is all just a ponzi scheme
What I did to you was done to me
We’re in the business of selling dreams
I gave you just enough rope
_______________________________________________________

Got Me Under Your Spell                                            

Breathe directly into me
And I quickly fall to pieces 
Steal my oxygen supply
And leave me completely speechless

Pull me closer into you
Until I have no sense of self
I want to be under your shadow 
I want to be under your spell

     You, you got me, you got me under your spell
     You, you got me, you got me under your spell
     I just want to, I just want to, I want to lose myself
     You got me under, you got me under, you got me under your spell

Push me up against the wall
In a momentary weakness
Drape yourself all over me
And then the pounding just increases

Pull me closer into you
Pull me deep under your sheets
Where your hands can feel me breathing
They pantomime my heart beat 
_______________________________________________________

The More I Keep Digging                                

I’ve followed the money past the “victimless” crimes
Followed the money past the nickel and dimes
I went straight to the buildings were your name is engraved
The more I keep digging the deeper your grave

I’ve pounded on pavement and dug through the weeds
Sifted through your wreckage for every lost lead
Somehow you still think your completely unscathed
But the more I keep digging the deeper your grave

There’s no vindication, no buying off guilt
There’s no insulation in those mansions you built 
Have lawyers harass me, have them right in my face
But the more I keep digging the deeper your grave

You can drag out the fight and try to bleed me dry
Completely cut off my water supply
Pour money down the drain to clean off your name
But the more I keep digging the deeper your grave
_______________________________________________________

Your Skin’s Not That Thick                                

In, you’re all in till you’re proven a fool
You’re foolish enough to feel invincible 
But all that bravado, it just doesn’t fit
We all know that your skin’s not that thick

Round one and you’re done, all your hopes quickly dashed
You can’t take a punch and your jaw’s made of glass
Now all of those jabs are starting to stick
And you bruise cause your skin’s not that thick

Out, you’re tapped out, you’re withdrawn to the bone
You throw in the towel as you sit there alone
You soon realize that you’re too delicate
And you bruise, no your skin’s not that thick

You’re suddenly so defenseless, suddenly so defenseless…
_______________________________________________________

The Ballad of John and Jane                                                 

Jane’s first husband disappeared late 1974
And when they couldn’t serve him papers the judge granted her divorce

When they finally found his body nearly forty years had passed
A .22 slug right in his head, forty feet down a mine shaft

     She said she did it, she did it all for love
     She admitted she did it all for love

She showed little guilt for the man that she killed when police finally did bring her in 
When they read her rights, she started to cry and said “I’ll never see John again”

John was waiting at the cabin when his wife brought him a gun
He said he’d take the kids out hunting, he shot her and her two sons

John had no reservations when he made that pact with Jane
As soon as they hid the bodies, they moved a thousand miles away

     He said he did, he did it all for love
     He admitted he did it all for love

When he took the stand, this cold blooded man was more than eager to talk
He said he’s just guilty of being in love and only regrets getting caught

     They did it, they did it all for love
     They admitted they did it all for love
_______________________________________________________

This Town

This town can suck you in
It’s too easy. It’s too easy
The walls built in are towering
There’s no easy escape

It’s not hard to convince yourself
It’s temporary, it’s temporary
Stash yourself on the bottom shelf
Tomorrow can always wait
     
     You’ve painfully grown out of this place
     So painfully grown out of this place

You’re derailed in this transient town
Decelerating, decelerating
It’s not roadblocks that keep you bound 
To these lonely avenues

That hesitation in your head
Is just a u-turn, it’s just a u-turn
Back to where you were born and bred
That’s no panoramic view

     You’ve painfully grown out of this place
     So painfully grown out of this place
_______________________________________________________

Sleep                                                          

Don’t give in yet, just be patient dear
The storm will soon pass and the sky will clear

Surrender your thoughts, it’s time to forget
You need relief, you need to rest
Let go of the reigns and let yourself breathe
You need to laugh, you need to dream
You need to sleep
You need to sleep...

It’s been a long, long day, yeah but you survived
Take a deep breath and close those pretty eyes

Turn off the noise, it’s time to forget
You need relief, you need to rest
Let go of the reigns and let yourself breathe
You need to laugh, you need to dream
You need to sleep
You just need to sleep...


©2014

THE LAST OF THE PIN-UP GIRLS
(2012)

A Stranger Rides into Town

A stranger rides into town
I’m travelling light, nothing to weigh me down
I’m far, far away from home
I’m free to fly into this great unknown

I walk the streets and disappear
I can hide in plain sight, I’m anonymous here
I shaved my head right down to the skin
And even I don’t recognize exactly who I have been

I’m a stranger in this town
So far away from home
There’s nothing as free as being unknown

I went underground, I changed my full name
I unshackled myself and buried the chains
I rewrote the chapter, changed the title and tags
And hid the whole book in my overnight bag


Just Want to Disappear

Roll call, Awol, I'm sliding out of here
Keys in the ignition I kick it into gear
And I'm free and I'm flying
I just want to disappear

Crash dived, revived, killed another year
Found an exit sign, was the first to volunteer
And I'm free and I'm flying
I just want to disappear

Retread ahead Take no souvenirs
There's only white noise in my rear view mirror
So I'm fleeing, I'm flying
I just want to disappear

It may not last, it just may be fleeting
I might just crash into the ceiling

Manic, frantic, I'm in the stratosphere
I got a new set of wings and
I'm flying out of here
And I'm free and I'm flying
I just want to disappear


The Last of the Pin-Up Girls

She just lingers in the doorway
Running fingers through her bangs and curls
Million dollar legs like Betty Grable
She’s the last of the pin-up girls

She’s a hot mess, in a red vamp dress
She’s all kinds of wrong tonight
She’s a bombshell, casting a spell
That clings to her hips so, so tight

I can’t be no sugar daddy
Got no money for diamonds and pearls
I’m just content to sit and watch her
She’s the last of the pin-up girls

She’s Bettie Page, always onstage
Too impossible to ignore
Deliciously curved , arousing every nerve
She’s not the kind of girl you find next door

She should make ten million dollars
Be the most photographed women in the world
I ‘m happy to just sit here and watch her
She’s the last of the pin-up girls


Never Going Be One of Them

I’m damaged goods, Misunderstood
Yes I’m on the side of angels
but I ain’t ever gonna be one of them

Fallen from grace, Swimming with snakes
Yes I’m on the side of angels
but I ain’t ever gonna be one of them

That demon inside’s tellin me to sin
And I’ve given up tryin to fight him
That demon’s inside stringing me along
That demon inside gonna run me wrong

Have mercy please, The devil’s in me
Yes I’m on the side of angels
But I ain’t ever gonna be one of them

That demon’s on my shoulder talking in ear
And I eat up every word that I hear
That demon’s got a grip that’s mighty strong
That demon inside gonna run me wrong

Have mercy please, The devil’s in me
Yes I’m on the side of angels
But I ain’t ever gonna be one of them


Little Beat Sweetener

Shout, I want to hear you shout
Loud enough to drown everything out

Howl, I want to hear you howl
Loud enough to resonate for miles

Darling we’re the bottom feeders
The lost causes; the non-believers
But if you wanna be the drum leader
Then I wanna be your little beat sweetener

Scream, I want to hear you scream
Loud enough for mayhem in the streets

Noise, you need to make some noise
Loud enough to give us all a voice

Yell, get everyone to yell
Loud enough that we can hear ourselves

Loud, you’ve gotta make this loud
Loud enough to incite this whole crow


In the Dollhouse Mirror

A porcelain doll
Skin so perfectly pale
All delicate and grace
Down to the last detail
Yet her marble glass eyes never shed a tear
As she blankly stares into the dollhouse mirror

A rag tag doll
In patchwork clothes
Sleeps in a different bed
Everywhere she goes
Her soft cloth skin that was once held so dear
Is now raggedy ann in the dollhouse mirror

A paper doll
Cut from a paper mold
Just listen to her talk
She’s one dimensional
She claims that she’s been hand painted but it’s so perfectly clear
She’s lifeless and flat in the dollhouse mirror

A voodoo doll
At some point she was scorned
Now she’s vindictive
Everyone be warned
That in her vampire nights, she’s quick to disappear
And you can’t find her reflection in the dollhouse mirror

A Russian doll
In a sarafan dress
Turn her two ways
She comes apart at the chest
Strip away her layers and you strip away her years
Until there’s a baby doll in the dollhouse mirror


Discount Cigarettes and Gasoline

Signposts and tombstones on both sides of the road
What’s this highway telling me?
With large billboard ads for road kill cuisine
Discount cigarettes and gasoline

A thousand foot ravine to my starboard side
And no guardrails to intervene
A white knuckle ride strung out on caffeine,
Discount cigarettes and gasoline

Seven bugs and counting on my windscreen
Crashing like kamikazes
They’re heavily armed and aiming for me
With discount cigarettes and gasoline

It’s my third or fourth day on this highway
I’m the latest casualty
With the flying insects, the road kill cuisine,
The discount cigarettes and gasoline


Lost in Fluorescence

Lost in fluorescence in the middle of the night
Stripped to my essence in truck stop diner lights
I walk through the entrance and everything feels too bright
Lost in fluorescence in the middle of the night

I’m greeted by a sign that says “please seat yourself”
And vinyl upholstery holding cartoon clientele
I hide in the menu so no one can stare through me
Lost in fluorescence and trying not to be seen

A lone faded waitress is making quick work of
Half empty plates and ten ounce coffee cups
I feel like I‘m frozen inside a Norman Rockwell
Lost in fluorescence trapped in a countertop hell

I’ve been stripped to my essence in truck stop diner lights
They glare with a vengeance, there not at all polite
I look for the exit hoping it will be all right
Lost in fluorescence in the middle of the night


Live Dangerously

Light’s piercing through the holes in the blinds
I wake from a deep sleep with sun in my eyes

I lay in the bed, my body feels old
It takes all my strength just to get vertical

I sit up in bed, throw my legs overboard
It’s a free fall till my feet find the floor

My eyes still a blur, my body exhumed
I stumble as I make my way across the room

Gotta hold out, Gotta hold on
Gotta hold my own, Gotta hold up all day long

Gotta get out, I just gotta see
What it’s like to get up and live more dangerously

A razor drags down the side of my face
My cheekbone exposed and all pretense erased

I throw on a shirt, ignore all routine
I walk out the door with the world facing me


Working Class Heroine

She’s still a girl, she’s barely twenty two
She’s all alone and a mother of two
She grew up much too fast
Daddy left, he wasn’t built to last

Six AM, she’s already out the door
Got a to pay for things that she can’t afford
Works two jobs, six days a week
Inventing ways to make ends meet

Wonder woman and Supergirl
Weren’t single mothers
Raising kids in this world
She’s running on adrenaline
There’s no super hero
Just a working class heroine

She bends but she never breaks
When child support’s more than two weeks late
When dead beat dad’s a “self centered jerk”
and there’s no sitter and she’s late for work

When babies cry on shoulders through the night
And she faces another day sleep deprived
When she feels overwhelmed
By the stress of doing it all herself


Taillights and Pale Whites

Driving west into sunset
The sun is in my eyes. It’s blinding, it’s blinding
Imprints fade with the last rays
As sun falls below the horizon my eyes spin,
My eyes spin

Battles lines were left behind
I drove to get the miles between me, between me
But battle scars, stay in the car
On the last exit to somewhere and I’m not there,
No I’m not there

I lag behind my racing mind
My ghosts never seem to haunt me, they just taunt me
Nowhere bound and I’m drowned
In red wash stream of taillights and pale whites

In red wash stream of taillights and pale whites


In the Funhouse Mirror

You can’t stand still for a portrait
Your face is never clear
You’re shifting shapes like a politician
In a fun house mirror

You’re loud and vain in your campaign
That smile reeks insincere
You only hope your smile lines don’t show
In the fun house mirror

You try to fix all heretics
You want to be revered
But you can’t see hypocrisy
In the funhouse mirror

Like a shark you can’t stop moving
It’s your greatest fear
That if you stop we’ll see your portrait
In the fun house mirror


A Stranger Rides Out of Town

I thought I knew where I was running
I had a picture in my head all made up like a bed
But I woke up on the wrong side of the ocean
Longing for everything that I had fled

I’m flying home back east
While I am still in one piece
My welcome worn, my day is down
A stranger rides out of town

I thought all I needed was a change of venue
But I didn’t even bother to unpack
Cause I’m still being stalked by my shadow
And I’m still running, it’s just I’m running back

LAX and I’m waiting for my exit
Everyone a stranger with the same strained smile
I watch a plane taxi down the runway
And my baggage taxi down the carousel


©2012

ALMOST SENTIMENTAL
(2011)


Dancing As Fast As I Can

A finite world
I've got no plans
145 beats per minute
I'm dancing as fast as I can

Motion blur
No attention span
The never ending now crashes on me
I'm dancing as fast as I can

I'm rushing feet
An offbeat man
I barely even leave a footprint
I'm dancing as fast as I can


Fingerprints All Over Me

A black snake piercing through the night
And I'm chained to her tracks tied tight
I can't shake loose, I can't break free
Her fingerprints all over me

She speeds like the devil
to an awaiting crime scene
There's no weapon or motive,
just a locomotive
Her fingerprints all over me

She carves her tracks
Through the late night veneer
There's no switchman, there's no engineer
An iron horse in a dress
Darting for the damned soul in distress

Those rails expand and shrink like the tide
as she roars down the main line
She's got me baited, she's got me bound
She's got me tied tightly to the ground


I Can Feel You

Sometimes I swear you’re crawling on my skin
And I try like mad to peel you off again

You’re far, far behind me
You no longer define me
But I still feel you

I still got the bruises on my knees
Where I would genuflect to kiss your feet,
yeah I can feel ya

Sometimes I feel your fingers on my neck
Bending these strings and wearing down these frets

You’re far, far behind me
You no longer define me
But I still feel you

I still feel you running through my wrists
Right down my palms and directly to my fists
Yeah, I can feel you

Sometimes it gets a little hard to breathe
I try to exhale and you refuse to leave

You’re far, far behind me
You no longer define me
But I still feel you


Tell Me Something Pretty

Those pretty paper folds
Make your hands feel old
So you just cut and paste
Within our time constraints

And you want me to see something I can’t see
And want me to be someone that’s not me
I wish I could tell you something pretty

I guess there’s no reprise
Of those pretty lullabies
No one can hit those notes
While at each other’s throat

Just spitting secrets in each other’s ear
The kind of secrets you don’t want to hear
But unfortunately all too sincere

Tell me something, something pretty
Tell me something, something pretty

You’re dressed in pretty prose
That hang on you like clothes
But pull a tiny tread
And you’re undressed again

And I don’t know what language to use
To zip you back up and pull you through
How could I hang a word on you


Bridget Friday

She’s poorly penciled in and wall paper-thin
A stick of a figure cloaked in faux animal skin
Pixie white ankle boots, pixie cut angled hair
It takes a lot of money to look like she doesn’t care

Message clear, distortion free
Bridget Friday

Cat eye sunglasses in tortoise shell frames,
Her fingers dripping in gunmetal grey
She threads her long legs through a skinny black jean
She’s at least thirty two or just barely nineteen

Message clear, distortion free,
She’s the last thing that you need
She’s not real, not a human being
Bridget Friday

She’s in feathers and leathers, white tassels and lace
Plastic jewels on her rings, plastic charms on her chains
Black cake eyeliner that explodes at midnight
She’s like TV static, shining all black and white


Cheat Me Fair

Don't try to blind me, just try to find me.
You’ve already shoveled me in
And showed me around your hole underground
And broke down while breaking me in
I’m broke again

You’re inside outside, everywhere
You’re Jekyll and Hyde, I don’t care
Cause I ain’t going anywhere, just cheat me fair

I won’t try to mute you, just quickly dilute you
Keep only what’s necessary
I’m trying my best but you’re hard to digest
I know it can’t be that easy
For you or me

I won’t infuse you, it’d only confuse you
I don’t want to dull down your taste
I’m a obstinate man, both bitter and bland
Is there room for me there on your plate?
If not, I’ll wait


High Water Mark

This is high tide
It leaves a stranded line
of floating debris and those lost at sea,
Standing never was part of the plan

So I just keep on going and without even knowing
I’m overflowing the high water mark

This is the crest
The drunken success
The wave in full bloom, the most breathing room
But water cascades and everything drops

And without even knowing, I start overflowing
Overflowing the high water mark

This is the prize
The highest of highs
The adrenaline rush, my eyes can’t adjust
I’m so flushed that I have flooded the drain

And without even knowing, I have been overflowing
Overflowing the high water mark


Sweet Relief

I’m all aches and coughs
And I can’t shake them off
There’s rotten things inside me

I can’t come to terms
With the malicious bugs and germs
That rot the things inside me

Oh how I need relief, Sweet, sweet, relief
Oh God I need relief, Sweet, sweet, relief

It holes up in my lungs
And flows right off my tongue
There’s rotten things inside me

I breath in stagnant air
There’s nothing fresh there to repair the
Rotten things inside me

Oh God am I’m diseased? I need sweet, sweet, relief
I just want to feel a breeze, Any kind of sweet relief

It as stealth as a thief
Then holds you hostage and never leaves

I haven’t showered in days
But no shower could wash away the
Rotten things inside me


Hello Monday

Monday, hello Monday
Yes we meet again
Tell me where did the time go?
I think I may have lost the weekend
People, I’m better right now at a distance; I know that I’m not better up close
And yes that is why I only say “hello”
Hello, hello, my Monday hello

Get me two cups of coffee
Maybe they will pull me through
I’ll pretend that I’m busy
That’s what normal people do
My moods change with the caffeine but 5 PM seems like tomorrow to me
I shake and bite my nails; I should probably switch to tea
Hello, hello, hello Monday

Is it time yet for a smoke break?
I know that I should probably quit
But they’re my sanctuary
More than I would like to admit
Yes they break up the madness of doing nothing that I really want to
Ahh that first drag, how I’ve missed you
Hello, hello my Monday blues

A roller coaster day, I’m on edge and then hit low
Into another caffeine crash with 4 hours to go

So I worked straight through lunch so
I could leave around four thirty
But now there’s some sort of meeting
Boss man says, “no one gets to leave early”
So please god, if you’re listening, schedule the apocalypse for today
I’m hungry and tired; it’s only Monday
Hello, hello, hello Monday


Stitch by Stitch

Needles and pins Cushioned to my wrist
Pattern outlines Pinned down designs
I've been staring at you for what seems like miles
I know just how you walk, your pace, your style
I've been thinking of fabrics and fine threads
Looking for perfect parts for a perfect dress

Stitch by stitch by stitch
I'll make you a perfect fit
Stitch by stitch by stitch
And maybe someday you'll wear it for me

Ribbon lace trim Dangling off your limbs
Tea length hemlines I'm guessing your size
I've been following you for what seems like days
I know just how your body turns and sways
I'll manufacture each and every piece
Even assemble it right there at your feet

Keyhole buttonholes
In black/white, stripped wool
Overcast seams
Chasing daydreams
I've been shadowing you without regret
As I decorate your silhouette
Yes I'll smooth out each and every crease
If you promise to turn around for me


Mortar and Bricks

We’re all boxed in now
Neatly stapled and pinned now
We’re crawling in our skin now
With no exit signs

Pushed up against the wall now
We’re nowhere near the ball now
No identity at all now
With no doors in sight

There’s just bricked up windows, that’s the easiest fix
Look out the window, all you see is mortar and bricks

No time to convalesce now
All our dreams are repossessed now
We’re working more to make less now
Now that I’ve been downsized

No tomorrow to pursue now
Cause we’ve got payments overdue now
They own me and they own you now
Worth more dead than alive

It’s all bricked up windows, that’s the easiest fix
Look out the window, all you see is mortar and bricks

All the factories shut down now
And there’s no one here around now
The city’s a ghost town now
You’ve got to scratch to survive


Ten After Eight

I’m evaporating
Been waiting here since eight o clock
Did you forget about me?
You didn’t leave the door unlocked

Seconds seem like hours
The anticipation’s killing me
I miss you so badly
But maybe you aren’t missing me

Then without hesitating
I see your headlights racing down the block
You’re so, so persuading
When you open your pretty mouth and talk

You’re so apologetic
About ruining a few minutes late
Then I look at my watch
And realize it’s only ten after eight


My Own Millionaire

I run my hands down my neck
My calluses cut into
These strings that get so corroded
They barely stay in tune

You can smell the tubes bleeding
They wrap me up in their blues
Like a sonic wallpaper
With melodies piercing through

I never clicked with the real world
Or society at large
Every one of my heroes
All played rhythm guitar

Someone turn up the kick drum
Let’s feel those footsteps crunch
Plug me into the downbeat
We resonate like a punch

But I'm the last one to notice
Because I'm floating on air
I'm in my own little world here
Where I'm my own millionaire

I’m up where no one can hurt me
Right between the kick and the snare
I’m in my own little world here
Where I’m my own millionaire


Too Much to Dream Off

I think that I have had too much to dream off
I toss and I turn and I wake up in mid cough
I want to stay up; this is nothing to sleep off
But I can’t stay awake and I carelessly drift off

There’s sleep in my eyes; first drifting and gentle
I almost feel safe, almost sentimental
But the lull is a lie; the stillness on rental
The dreams come alive; the silence judgmental

There’s calm between dreams but it’s so intermittent
Like a new lease on life but two days to live it
And I can’t stay awake long enough to live in it
Cause a storm comes to life and takes me right with it


©2011

ONE NIGHT BLAND
(2009)

Hopelessly Helpless

You're back down on the bathroom floor
Looking for a ragbag silver lining

You find new ways to heedlessly misread memories
That were not worth finding

You're helpless, helpless; you're cut and exposed
You're dancing with some stranger and holding him so close
Yeah you're helpless, helpless and misdiagnosed
You're all inside your head and won't give up the ghost
You're so hopelessly helpless

You're looking for a little piece of mind
That you won't find in a church or a bar

I watch you drink away at your salivation
On both sides of the boulevard

Endless hours where you grab
And pick at the scabs in once haunted rooms

The floor's covered with souvenirs
From all years of reopened wounds


Some Other Planet

Some other planet, some other lifetime
Anywhere else but right now

But knowing us we'd find a way to
Mess it all up somehow

Another sunrise suicide

Some other moment, some different lighting
It might just make sense some other time

I'll steal someone's daydream, put it my pocket
And pawn it off like it was mine

Another sunrise suicide

Some other planet, some other lifetime
Some other ending to try on for size

Some other morning where I sleep soundly
And wake up knowing I survived

Another sunrise suicide


Six More Rounds

I tossed my dirty laundry in the trash to die
You shot it up full of holes and brought it back inside
The target's in place, so fire away
With six more rounds of indifference

You found a stray bullet in your left front pocket
And sent a warning shot straight into the closet
No one's sleeping in, wake up the skeletons
With six more rounds of indifference

I'm on a tightrope dangling with two left feet
A still clay pigeon with bull eyes taped to me
The target's in place, so fire away
With six more rounds of indifference

Now I'm running with cinderblocks tied to my feet
You're wide of your mark and point blank range from me
I completely forgot that you're a bad shot
Give me six more rounds of indifference

This glass is half empty and half broken in
You're a chamber half full roulette romantic
Take your best aim; it's your stupid game
Give me six more rounds of indifference

You're armed, trigger happy and ready to go
But you're wagging a war that was lost long ago
Fire into the crowd and make it real loud
With six more rounds of indifference

Shoot me up in this bed and wake me up when I'm dead
With six more rounds of indifference


Swimming Again

I try to keep it to a gentle rain.
No one likes a flood or a drought when in doubt

I try to keep it to steady buzz
I gotta find my own plateau, not too high or too low

But then I blink for a second and I start swimming
Almost content for a second and then I start swimming
Almost myself, whatever that means, then I start swimming
I heard her voice; it pulled me under
Then I start swimming again

I try to keep it in the present tense
I can't live in the past, or the next, or the last

I try to keep it ambiguous
I don't have much to say, I look good wearing gray

I try to keep it in a lower case
I don't want to stand out; I'm polite, I don't shout

I try to keep it to a gentle rain.
No one likes a flood or a drought when in doubt


Tilt-a-Whirl

A tilted man looks for his car on the tilt a whirl
He's waited all day for the tilt a whirl

A jilted girl sits next to him on the tilt a whirl
They settle in on the tilt a whirl

They start in orbit, accelerating on the tilt a whirl
Their heads are spinning like a tilt a whirl

Random motion, near collisions on the tilt a whirl
They're just like kids on a tilt a whirl

They start to sway; they start to spin
Gravity's pushing further in
They're side by side on this ride
Holding on for dear life
In this tilted world...on a tilt a whirl

Their hands are locked, floating on air in the tilt of whirl
They can't stop smiling on this tilt a whirl

They're getting lost, in the moment on the tilt a whirl
No hesitation on the tilt a whirl

Every last second of every moment on the tilt a whirl
They spent a lifetime on this tilt a whirl


Going Going Gone

Tomorrow's better at a distance
I'll walk out the path of least resistance

I'll seal the borders and bury the keys
You can try all you want but you're no master thief

I'm temporarily temporary
I'm not for long, I'm going, going, gone

Nothing's for long, nothing's for free
So please don't expect to wake and find me

Thanks for the floor cause god only knows
Where I'll wake tomorrow in yesterdays' clothes

I'm temporarily temporary
I'm not for long, I'm going, going, gone

Stare all you want but you can't read my eyes
It's not you at fault, It's me, big surprise

A lost fugitive; a transient thief
I'm running from you but stealing from me

I'm temporarily temporary
I'm not for long, I'm going, going, gone


Seven Minutes

You're half a world away and this is total frustration
That kind of comment only invites an invitation

Yes I'm a million miles away but I'm not nonexistent
And if you have seven minutes we can lesson the distance

You're in my ear right next to me, the words drip off your lips
You put my hand on your thigh to feel my fingertips

There's friction on the line; you can hear the tension
We're tainting all the sheets with the best of intentions

There's static in my ear and I'm almost interrupted
But I can feel it in my legs I'm so close to corrupted

We act on every instinct, every last impulse
And those thoughts becomes words that resonate and pulse

Ah, come for me, come in for me, come in loud and clear
That's the only thing right now that I want to hear

Wham-bam, god damn, what a perfect hello
If I don't make it back tomorrow, call me back on this phone

One minute I'm lost
two minutes I'm charmed
three minutes immersed
Four minutes I'm armed
five minutes we're close
six minutes exposed.we're seven minute closer


Be Still My Bleeding Heart

Come back here be still my bleeding heart
Cause I can't wrestle one coherent thought
Right next to me, Lights off please
I'm saving up my dignity
Come back here be still my bleeding heart

You know that i think the world of you girl
But you also know what I think of the world
I didn't sell out, i just bought in
Before it all washes out and starts to spin
You know that i think the world of you girl

I can't afford to get where I belong
Everything costs twice as much and takes twice as long
The thought of you makes me believe
That I should beg, borrow and thieve
Cause I can't afford to get where I belong

Please be still my bleeding heart

Come back here I'm pleading, pleading
Come back here I'm pleading, pleading
Come back here be still bleeding heart

Come back here be still my bleeding heart
I'm waiting here maxed out and question marked
I'm deep in debt; deep in confusion
And unresolved resolutions
So come back here be still my bleeding heart


All of the Above

It's like you mock the silence for being sober,
When you trip on words; conversation over
And over again, it's pure nonsense; you look credible claiming ignorance
Like a badly bound paperback, in the discount fiction, on the bottom rack
Feeding trinkets of air and a bleached blonde ending,
That somehow feels so condescending

And you want all the attention
All the little boys and their affection
You want all the laughter and all the love
All you need is all the above

You ask me how I am just to hear your voice
And then indulge yourself to make some point
About the content of my daily life as you pezz-dispense sterile advice
Long-winded useless information that you preach above your congregation
From the pulpit there's a better view of how every little thing pertains to you

You're the first sinner, the first to be saved
The bride at the wedding; the corpse at the grave
You want money, sex, power and love
And all you need is all the above

You'll try anything twice if someone's watching
And act naive before start launching
Into forced faked smiles and rehearsed phrases,
I know what you'll say before you say it
It's all right there, right off the script,
From the Mae West lines to bad Freudian slips
You make me nostalgic for the now, you cry wolf and then take a bow

Self-love is the all-natural opiate
But you never learned how to cope with it
You, it's all you're thinking off
And all you need is all the above


My Goodnite Friend

Say goodnight to the morning, sleep well my goodnite friend
We stole the moon, your now sleeping, or at least trying to pretend
I'll follow my own private hallway right back to where it should end
Civility went out the window, so goodnight my goodnite friend

My eye sockets are burning but I'm freezing as I close the door
I throw my coat over my head; anything to stay warm
It's so fun to act like your young, but now I feel so wired and worn
I walk out of a tempest into another imperfect storm

I think I've reached the point where my two worlds feel the same
What was once my comfort, is now driving me insane
I used to love all the madness and would follow it right down the drain
But my goodnight friend is sleeping and my daylight's filled with rain

It was feeling kind of crowded underneath those mourning sheets
Now that I'm out amongst people, I feel as lonely as I could ever be
There's melodies in this rainstorm but no sense in chasing them down the street
Cause I'll follow a train of thought and it leads back to your feet

Say goodnight my goodnite friend


I'm Gonna Learn You How

I'm going to get wise now
Then I'm going to learn you how
We'll run and hide from a hundred lies.run and hide

I'm too old too be young
But I'm having twice the fun
I'll answer all your rhetorical questions .just ask me

If this was that easy, you could teach me
We've faked it up to now
I'm going to learn you how

You're too young to be old
So you set and broke the mold
You've got so much lies ahead of you.you do.yes you do

If this was that easy, you could teach me
We've made it up to now
I'm going to learn you how

I come and tag you along
And we make it up as we go along
And we'll survive this diatribe.if we ever stop talking.

If this was that easy, you could teach me
We've messed it up to now
I'm going to learn you how


The Ceiling Staring Back

I woke up screaming
I must have been dreaming
Why I was dreaming, I just don't know

I'm so bored and manic
Monochromatic
I'm all the shades not in the rainbow

At xanax speed
A walking parody
Under my tongue till it all dissolves

I've got no patience
And made realizations
That I'm better off left uninvolved

I can't relate; I can't react
And I look up to a ceiling staring back

I've made no imprints
On my bed of indifference
I live in fear; I don't live in faith

So I withdraw
It's my own default,
Give me my two inches of personal space

I've lost control
I'm despicable
Give me anything that makes any sense

Give me one true sentence
And I'll make repentance
I'll take on the world at my own expense

Give me one true sentence
While I'm defenseless
Or give me my ten milligrams of loneliness


So Much Nothing To Do

Quarter to three and I'm bored to tears
I've just poured myself another beer
I've been trying all night not to think of you
But I've got so much nothing to do
3:25 and I'm out of my head
Just one more drink then I'm off to bed
There's so many things that I want to sleep through
Because I've got so much nothing to do

4:18 but who's counting time
I just can't get you out of my mind
Four hours sleep then I'll be fine
As long as I'm out the door by nine
4:48, insomniac
I feel like I'm having a heart attack
I've been all around my head in a bed for two
Because I've got so much nothing to do

Half past 6 and I think I'm lost
I'm smoking in a tinderbox
I'm using the bed as my ashtray
I keep reminding myself that I'm ok
It's almost 8 and I'm burned out
I guess I'll have to go without
I've been stranded in bed just thinking of you
Because I've got so much nothing to do

The clock says zero, time for me to go
I set that alarm two weeks ago
I've been out the door, I've been running late
I have plenty of time to just hesitate
A two week stretch, just paranoid
Something has to fill the void
Another day in bed just thinking of you
Because I've got so much nothing to do


©2009

TECHNICOLOR THIEVES
(2007)

Out With The Old Queens

I feel so isolated
It seems like nothing's in this for me
It's a great country if you can afford it
But I don't make enough to be free

Out with the old queens corporate alma mater
Out with the old queens and their silver spoon regime
Out with the old queens' patriotic cannon fodder
Out with the old queens and their technicolor thieves

I know the system is polluted
Exhaust fumes come from both party lines
The only solution to pollution
Rests with revolutionary minds

Give me the last of the romantics
Who believe in every word that they scream
Make me stand up and be conscious
And sell me my American wet dream


The Lowest Common Grain Of Salt

The coming attractions are mindless distractions
Just feeding you with happy endings
You blink and you miss them, they're out of the system,
Their blandness just makes them offending

I take them all with the lowest common grain of salt

The new morning fashion is spoon-fed and cashed in
By noon it's all washed out and sour
It's overexposed and then quickly disposed
Cause its shelf life is less than an hour

I take it all with the lowest common grain of salt

There's no more the loud guitars or angry rock and roll stars,
They either burn out or get suited
And the ones now in suits might as well just be mute
While some board of directors dilutes them

I take it all with the lowest common grain of salt

Hollywood endings are so offending


Get Situated

You run away with strangers when you run from yourself
You're in love with being in love, not with anyone else
And while you're basking in one of your honeymoon phases
I'll give you a second to get situated

You're just as detached as you were yesterday
It doesn't make a difference how you spell your last name
All your pseudonyms are closely unrelated
I'll give you a second to get situated

Yeah you've got a brand new man in the starting rotation
You've got a halo on your hand; I guess congratulations
You're in the same position that you just vacated
So I'll give you a second to get situated

I think I know you better than you'd like to think
You just don't like the view from the passenger seat
When you're everything to everyone, you secretly hate it
So I'll give you a second to get situated

Now I've said what I've said, I might as well cut in
I just can't bare to leave in the condition your in
It's time to pull out your troops and declare victory
That will give you a second to situate with me


The Last Independent Record Store

He wears the blues with mascara
Like he's from some different era
He makes you feel like Ronnie Lane is still around

33 1/3
Is like a sacred word
How else would he listen to the Velvet Underground?

There's one left standing, in a town that used to have four
Now he's standing in the last independent record store

There's one left standing in a town that once had four more
Because he's standing in the last independent record store

Behind him there's a girl
With platinum spit curls
But she's different from the other post punk kids

Because they share a common bond
She's got Blonde on Blonde
And he's Highway 61 revisited

There's one left standing, in a town that used to have four more
Now they're standing in the last independent record store

There once was time
When we bought records at midnight
And the store was our little exile off main street

I'll miss looking at the covers
I'll miss the bands I thought I discovered
When a nod was just as good as wink

There's one left standing, in a town that used to have four more
Now we're standing in the last independent record store


A Mermaid In A Bar

I swear that I saw
A mermaid in a bar
Until someone turned the lights on and then suddenly she was gone

I watched her work her room
With wallflowers in full bloom
In the center of a smoke ring was a siren without a song

But the midriff was quite convincing
So everyone kept listening
And swimming in her ashtray
A real live mermaid in a bar

I saw here once before
She was standing on the shore
She smiled sweetly, non- discreetly, so I bought another round

She talked right over me
In some pointless melody
I just nodded and applauded, and thought about shooting myself

But her midriff was so distracting
That I sat and watched bad acting
Swimming in an ashtray
A real live mermaid in a bar

Her midriff was so inviting
And she looked great in bar lighting
Swimming in an ashtray
A real live mermaid in a bar

She tried to lure me in
And I almost gave in
Until someone turned the lights on and then suddenly she was gone


Drinking In Tonight

I'm drinking in tonight, I just want to be ignored
I've turned off all the lights, I hope to god that I get bored
There's empties in the sink, there's laundry's on the floor
I'm drinking in tonight, tonight it's someone else's war

I'm drinking in tonight, I don't want to make the scene
Everyone's in camouflage like some kid on halloween
There's no need to dress in rags with war paint on my face
I'm drinking in tonight, tonight I'm easily replaced

Yeah the kids have got beer money and new bulletproof vests
Everybody's dressing up for the sobriety test
You can find somebody else who feels like drinking for a cause
I'm not preaching in an alley, I'm not into cheap applause
I'm drinking in tonight

I'm drinking in tonight, it's not safe for me to drive
I don't want to waste the gas, I don't mind being deprived
I'm not picking up the phone, I don't want unwanted guests
I'm drinking in tonight, Tonight I'm under house arrest


Wait, Wait

I work a meaningless job seven days a week
Barely afford my rent, my electric, my heat
I've spent the last ten years with this chip on my shoulder
And all I got was ten years older while

I wait wait on politicians
I wait wait through their indecision
I wait wait and they remain seated
Did you ever get the feeling that you've been cheated?

I've got a nagging cough that I just ignore
I should probably see a doctor but I'm uninsured
I'm in the back of the line with the rank and file
So I medicate myself to the point of denial

While I wait wait for the next incision
I wait, wait, and get lost in the system
I wait wait I'm cut and still bleeding
Did you ever get the feeling that you've been cheated?

I'm wading in the hypocrisy
Of a waterlogged democracy
Where everyone talks just hear themself sing
And no one has the balls to change a thing

While I wait wait, barely treading water
I wait wait, why even bother
I wait wait now I'm depleted
Did you ever get the feeling that you've been cheated?

I wait wait on politicians
While I wait wait in the worst of conditions
I wait wait and they remain seated
Did you ever get the feeling that you've been cheated?


Maybe Just Maybe

Maybe, just maybe, I'll come sweep you off your feet
Maybe I'll become your central conversation piece
Maybe understanding is overrated
Maybe you're the one to keep me happily sedated

Maybe tomorrow you'll just easily unwrap
Or maybe I'll trip and just fall over in your lap
Maybe I'll throw glass at your stone house
Maybe I get lucky and I get to see your blouse

Maybe just maybe, I'll see this through
Or maybe I'll stay here and innuendo you
You're the goddess of all my misunderstanding

Maybe some deity will visit me tonight
Or maybe you punished atheists for being right
Maybe I'll be blessed, maybe you'll be sainted
Maybe I'll be waiting and just happy that I waited

Maybe for a second I won't need to second guess
Maybe I'll find a way to find you happiness
Maybe I'll be reckless but in the good way
Maybe I'll get the nerve to sweet-talk you today

Maybe just maybe, I'll see this through
Or maybe I'll stay here and innuendo you
You're the goddess of all my misunderstanding

Maybe I'll get down on my knees to pray to you
Maybe you'll reply with a list of things to do
Maybe I'll earn points, maybe success
Maybe you'll answer me with a resounding yes

Maybe, just maybe I'll come sweep you off your feet
Or maybe I'll wake up with you lying next to me
I maybe dreaming, time maybe wasted
But maybe you'll be the best thing that I've ever tasted


Passing In Stereo

Midnight's raining to my left side
When I have nothing to see
I know somewhere a dashboard's shining

Neutral is good, at least it's constant
When I have nowhere to be
I know I have a day to get there

They're passing in stereo..passing, at high speeds, in stereo

There's room to exhale on exit 9
When all I need is somewhere
I hope that I can make it there in time

The seven sisters, blinking in time
When everything is taillights
I know someone is traveling behind

They're  passing  in stereo.passing, at high speeds, in stereo

A perfect circle is the quickest way
When I have nothing to say
I know I have four years to prove it

The same trip back down, the same vertigo
I know the shortest distance
But I'm being passed in stereo

They're  passing in stereo.passing, at high speeds, in stereo


Being Still

I'll rely on your discretion
To tell me what I'm doing here
I'm not outside on the fringes
I'm the one who I volunteered

I walk away still unfulfilled
I've never been content just being still

I can't rely on my intentions
I don't know who they're intended for
I'm the poster child of bad choices
I have a life but I want more

I walk inside still unfulfilled
I've never been content just being still

I won't rely on forgiveness
I don't tell the truth as well as I lie
I'm too reckless to deceive you
But I'm too involved to say goodbye

I walk in circles unfulfilled
I've never been content just being still


Zombie For Rent

I'm a zombie available for rent
A zombie available for rent

I'm a shaped hunk of steel, another cog in the wheel
For ten bucks and sixty five cents
I'm punched in against the walls, punched out like paper dolls
A zombie available for rent

I'm a zombie just waiting to get paid
I'm in the corner locked away

And just when it gets to me, I find myself busy being
Somebody else for the day
I'm punched in against the walls, punched out like paper dolls
A zombie just waiting to get paid

40-hour weeks
In the same place that I started
I don't mind being used
As long as I'm not discarded
I'm a zombie available for rent

I'm a zombie just waiting to get paid
Just trying to make it through the day

I'm just a single drone, working in monotones
Trying my best to be gray
I'm punched in against the walls, punched out like paper dolls
A zombie just waiting to get paid


And You Just Got Me Stoned

If you want me to love you more
You should probably just slam the door
When you leave the door open, something always comes through it

I'm trying not to forget
The difference between love and sex
When a man and woman love each other, something bad always happens

I'd ask you to leave but where would that leave me
Sometimes a loner hates to be alone
It's been another dead end day, so I might ask you to stay
Sometimes a loner hates to be alone.and you just got me stoned

I'm not completely sold
On your "strong supporting roles"
Who wants to be an actor when all you do is play yourself?

Sequels always find away
So you stumbled back here today
Don't you know, I am trying to keep weekend custody of myself

And I really don't want something bad to happen to me
I've got a looser definition of stability

I'd ask you to leave but where would that leave me
Sometimes a loner hates to be alone
It's been another dead end day, so I might ask you to stay
Sometimes a loner hates to be alone.and you just got me stoned

I've got nothing clever to say
What does it matter anyways?
I'm so very tired in every sense of the word

But you can come fill the void
When I'm high and paranoid
And trying hard to keep afloat in the conventional world

If you're looking for a route to disaster, come lay with me
But you're not going to get any mileage out of me


Edges And Ledges

Edges and ledges, right in front of me
But too afraid to take the next step

Free falls and fastballs, staring right at me
I'm too afraid to even look down

Bruises, excuses, two people rubbing raw
But too afraid to say goodbye

Stop signs and land mines as far as I can see
But too afraid to stop moving

Flashbacks and smoke stacks contaminate the air
Too afraid to take the my next breath

Box springs, boxing rings either way I'm on the floor
Too afraid to sleep or fight

White flags have price tags, nothing is for free
Too afraid to pay the price

Edges and ledges, right in front of me
But too afraid to take the next step


My Only Concern

I'm only looking for
Self preservation
It's my motivation, it's my only concern

I didn't come asking
For any revisions
Your next indecision is not my concern

I'm growing weary
Of always retreating
With nothing defeated and nothing to gain

So my only interest
Is in my well-being
It still may be fleeting but I hope not in vain

I guess I'm a cynic
About nostalgia
You don't need me to tell ya what you did yesterday

So when you come back here
I might seem distant
It's just I'm indifferent to what you might say

I'm only looking for
Self preservation
It's my motivation, it's my only concern


©2007